Knowing Your Worth

On my Self-Love Journey

As part of my self-love journey, which I’m inviting you all to join me on, I recently asked all you lovely folks on Instagram what aspect of loving yourself you struggle with the most. The overwhelming response was: Knowing Your Worth.

When I first saw this, I thought, Oh, wow—me too! Realizing that I hadn’t yet conquered that hurdle in my own journey was a moment of clarity. Well, as luck (or the Universe) would have it, life delivered some valuable lessons on self-worth my way. Thank you, full moon! Thank you, life!

Self-worth can be a tricky thing to pin down because it’s deeply connected to how we speak to ourselves, our boundaries, limiting beliefs (those pesky ideas we absorb from society and family), and how we process our emotions.

Where Unworthiness Comes From

Feelings of unworthiness often stem from a disconnection with our emotions. When we rationalize, dissociate, or numb our big feelings, we send a signal to our brain and body that parts of us aren’t good enough and should be hidden. Over time, we start to feel unsafe expressing our full, authentic selves.

Here are some reflections that came to me while contemplating how to truly know your self-worth.

1. Let Go of Perfectionism

No one—and nothing—is perfect. We’re all perfectly imperfect, and that’s what makes us human. Holding yourself to unrealistic expectations out of fear of imperfection sends a subtle message that you’re not good enough just as you are. It suggests that mistakes make you unlovable, which is simply not true.

 

2. Let Go of “Shoulds”

Before making decisions, take a moment to check in with your body. Listen to its signals. Doing something because you feel you should—to gain approval, attract attention, or feel more loved—is a form of self-betrayal.

When you act based on external expectations rather than your true feelings, you’re telling yourself that your worth depends on meeting others’ standards.

The phrase I shouldn’t feel this way is another trap. You feel what you feel, and invalidating those emotions diminishes your worth. Let yourself feel without judgment.

 

3. Let Go of Limiting Beliefs

This one isn’t always easy because first, you have to recognize a belief as limiting.

For example: “I’m too old to change careers.”
What does too old really mean? Where did this belief come from? Do you actually believe it?

Limiting beliefs are called limiting for a reason—they hold you back from fully embracing your worth. Challenge them. (Pro tip: examine your beliefs about money for some surprising insights into what’s holding you back.)

 

4. Let Go of Negative Self-Talk

Be mindful of the way you talk to yourself. Phrases like “I’m so stupid” or “I’m useless” may feel harmless in the moment, but your body is listening. Each time you say them, you’re affirming that you believe you’re worthless.

 

5. Observe Your Judgments

Judging others is often a reflection of how we judge ourselves. Pay close attention to your judgments—they can reveal where you hold false ideas about yourself or where you’re not allowing yourself to be fully authentic.

On the flip side, judgments can also highlight misaligned situations, places, or people in your life. These moments are opportunities to set boundaries that align with your values.

 

6. Validate Your Feelings

When you’re angry, let yourself feel the anger. When you’re sad, let yourself feel the sadness. Affirm to yourself that it’s safe to feel whatever you’re experiencing. Your feelings are always valid, and honoring them is a key step toward self-worth.

 

7. Set Boundaries

Boundaries and self-worth go hand in hand. When you value yourself, boundaries start to come naturally, even if they feel scary at first.

Conversely, setting boundaries can build your sense of worth. Even if enforcing a boundary feels uncomfortable in the moment, it’s a sign of growth.

 

Why Knowing Your Worth Is So Hard

I believe many of us struggle to affirm our worth because we fear the consequences.

For example:

• If I acknowledge how I want to be treated in friendships, I may have to walk away from friends who can’t meet that standard.
• If I recognize that I’m underpaid, I may have to find a new job or ask for a raise.

These actions disrupt the status quo, shaking the foundations of our lives. They force us to take risks—risks that are uncomfortable and come with unknown outcomes.

Our minds and egos crave control and certainty, which is why it can feel so scary to affirm our worth. Knowing your worth means acknowledging that you deserve more, and that often requires bold, life-altering choices.

 

The Role of Self-Love

And here we come full circle: self-love.

When we love ourselves wholly, shaking the foundations of life becomes less daunting because we know we’ve got our own backs. The risk of change becomes worth it if it means building stronger, more supportive foundations.

When we nurture ourselves through the fear of risk—trusting that those risks will lead to a better, more aligned life—we give ourselves the confidence and self-trust to create the life we truly desire.

 

Final Thoughts

Knowing your worth is a journey, and it’s not always easy. But with self-love, boundaries, and the courage to honor your feelings, you’ll find that the journey is deeply rewarding. You deserve it.