On my Self Love Journey, that I am taking you all along on the ride for, I asked all you lovelies of The Gram what part of Loving Yourself do you struggle with most. The OVERWHELMING response was ‘Knowing Your Worth’
When I first saw this I thought, oh fuck me too, realising that I had not quite climbed that hurdle in my own journey. Well turns out The Universe doesn’t take too long to deliver and lucky me got to live out some wonderful lessons on Self Worth. Thanks Full Moon, thanks life!!!
Self Worth is a tricky one to pin down because it is inextricably linked with the way we speak to ourselves, our boundaries, limiting beliefs (beliefs we have picked up through society and family) and how we deal with our emotions.
Unworthiness stems from a lack of connection with our own emotions a lack of validating big emotions by rationalising, disassociating and numbing them away, giving your body/brain the signal that parts of you are not good enough and should be hidden. Not feeling safe to express all of who you are.
Here are some things that came up for me while contemplating How To Know Your Self Worth in no particular order.
LET GO OF PERFECTIONISM – Firstly no one and nothing is perfect, we are all imperfectly perfect that is what makes us human. Holding yourself to unrealistic expectations out of fear of not being perfect is subconsciously affirming that you are not good enough exactly as you are and that mistakes somehow make you unlovable.
LET GO OF ‘SHOULDS‘ – Check in with your body before making decisions tapping into its signs and signals, doing things just because you think you SHOULD (or to get someone’s attention or to be more loved or to look good) is BETRAYING yourself. You are telling yourself that your worth is based on outside expectations that must be fulfilled regardless of your true feelings. Also I SHOULDN’T feel this way is another trap of betraying yourself. You feel the way you feel so trying to convince yourself otherwise is just another way of diminishing your worth and invalidating your emotions.
LET GO OF LIMITING BELIEFS – Ok this one is not so easy because first you have to identify a belief as LIMITING. Example “I am too old to change career” First what is ‘too old’ second where did you get this belief from, do you really believe it?ETC (Top tip look at your beliefs around money to find many limiting beliefs) Limiting beliefs HOLD YOU BACK you from knowing your true worth, that’s why they are limiting obvs!
LET GO OF NEGATIVE SELF TALK – Watch out for negative self talk that puts you down. ‘Oh I am so stupid’ ‘I am useless’ Your body is listening and you are literally AFFIRMING to yourself that you are worthless.
OBSERVE YOUR JUDGEMENTS – Judging others is just a reflection of yourself. Watch your judgements closely and see if it can show you false ideas you have about yourself and maybe where you don’t allow yourself to be all of who you are. Conversely let your judgements also show you which situations/places/people are unaligned with your true values so you can set boundaries.
VALIDATE YOUR FEELINGS/EXPERIENCES – When you are angry feel the anger, when you are sad feel the sadness. Re affirm and tell your self you are safe to feel whatever it is you are feeling and that your feelings are ALWAYS VALID.
SET BOUNDARIES – Setting boundaries IS part of ‘Knowing Your Worth’ they go hand in hand. Through knowing our worth and valuing ourselves boundaries come naturally in all areas of life. (Even if it does feel scary) From the other way around setting boundaries can help you feel more self worth, even if after setting the boundary it doesn’t feel great, that’s growth.
I believe that many of us fail to affirm our worth because we are afraid of the consequences of doing so. For example, as soon as I know how I want to be treated in my friendships, if a friend is not able to treat me well, I have no option but to walk away. If I know I am working for too little money, I have no option but to find a new job or raise my prices/ask for a raise. All of these actions threaten the status quo of our lives, they shake the foundations and ask us to take risks that are UNCOMFORTABLE and that have UNKNOWN OUTCOMES. The ego and the mind hate not knowing, they want control and known outcomes. That is why I believe it is SO difficult for some of us to know our worth and act on it, because we know we are WORTHY OF SO MUCH and to affirm it means shaking all the foundations of life and that shit can be SCARY.
BUT Here we are full circle back to SELF LOVE! If we are able to love ourselves wholly then to shake the foundations of life might be scary but ultimately we have our own backs, and the risk is worth it if it means building stronger foundations that are able to better support us through life. When we love ourselves enough to nurture ourselves through situations that feel risky, but that ultimately will make our lives better by giving us confidence and self trust, we align ourselves with how we truly want to experience life.